A Sea of Red...

This normally won't be my platform for political posts, but I felt compelled to address the red equals sign that I and many, many other people posted on our Facebook walls yesterday and added to our profile pics. I also wanted to share why I support marriage equality. 

Did your Facebook feature a sea of red equal signs yesterday? Did you ask someone what it meant? If you posted one, did you inform anyone about its meaning?

I had so many friends say they weren't doing it because it was a "hipster" thing to do or that it wouldn't make a difference in the long run, because the Supreme Court wasn't checking their newsfeed before handing down a decision. 

The thing about the sea of red is that it's not about forcing the SCOTUS to decide one way or another, it's about awareness and support. 

Nearly all of my staff had no idea what was happening in Washington yesterday. I wore red and told them why I was wearing red. Which may or may not have been appropriate. My Facebook includes everyone from my 13 year old second cousin to my 65 year old uncle and everyone in between.  If I informed one person about why discrimination sucks and why marriage equality is a human right yesterday, then the sea of red did something good. I may not have changed the outcome of the case, but I informed, enlightened and perhaps changed some hearts and minds along the way. Also, if I made one of my gay friends feel like they had one more ally in the world, I feel accomplished.

As a straight, married woman, why do I feel so strongly about marriage equality? 

First and foremost, even if I didn't know and love many gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, I would push for marriage equality. Why? Because not allowing same sex couples to marry and to benefit from the rights and privileges available only to married people is discrimination. 

Discrimination is wrong. Period. 

And in the United States, state-sponsored discrimination is unconstitutional. According to the Equal Protection Clause of the Constitution, "no state shall deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws." Not allowing same sex couples to marry does this big time. If I don't stand up for all people facing discrimination, it's like saying discrimination is okay. 

But seriously, I would feel this way even if I didn't know any gay people.  When Republican Senator Rob Portman (Ohio) announced that he has a gay son and could no longer justify his opposition to same-sex marriage, I was glad that he went public, but at the same time, it made me mad. Why? Because I think people, in general, and especially those in positions of power and who represent diverse constituencies, should support what's right even when it doesn't impact them personally.  Actually, let me go one step further and state that in places where citizens elect leaders to represent them, those leaders should support what's right especially when it doesn't impact them personally.  

The fact is, I do know and love many gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. They are wonderful people, human beings, who love and deserve the right to marry the people they love, form families, not have to fight every day for rights and acknowledgement that I take for granted as a married straight woman - the right to add their partner to health insurance, to have both partners legally recognized as parents to their children, to file taxes jointly, to make medical/end of life decisions, etc...and so many more. 

Allowing gay people to marry not only doesn't hurt anyone, I believe it is good for our society. Marriage is not right for everyone. But it does symbolize commitment and strength in a relationship. Allowing same sex couples to marry will ensure that more loving families are formed and that can only be good for our society. 

This is not about religion...this is about ethics, what's right, equality, fairness.

There are so many people who have no idea what's going on in this country (or their community or the world...but that is a topic for another day). If only we could have a different color for every day and inform people about poverty, women's rights, rape, hunger, the environment, world conflict, globalism, etc...   

Please feel free to share this post with anyone who gives you a hard time for sporting a red equal sign or supporting marriage equality. Maybe together we can raise more awareness.

Easy, Effective Cloth Diaper Care

Caring for cloth diapers is EASY.  I repeat: EASY.  There's a bit of a learning curve, but once you get into a routine, it's actually fun. And easy. And good for baby. And better for the planet. And did I mention easy?

When we decided to cloth diaper, so many people made comments like: 

"I give you a month!"

"It's too hard!"

 "I remember cloth diapering my kids (who are now grown), it was such a pain."

"Your house is going to stink!"

"Ain't nobody got time for that." - kidding. 

So far, I have proven all of the naysayers wrong. I absolutely love cloth diapering. They are cute, easy and better for the planet.  

You might say that I am addicted. We have spent quite a bit of money on our stash, probably a total of $350-400 on diapers for our two kids over the past four years. However, we can generally recoup 50-75% of the new cost when the selling items we are no longer using or don't like like used on diaper swap boards/at a local diaper consignment sale - in total we've probably made $100 back. Besides, that's nothing compared to the cost of disposable diapers.  

I get asked all of the time for cloth diaper troubleshooting tips. After battling yeast and ammonia stink issues when our daughter was in diapers, I tried pretty much every tip and trick for washing and stripping diapers and preventing these issues from returning.

Disclaimers: 

• I have no affiliation with Thirsties©, Fuzzibunz©, Kawaii, Gro-via©, Country Save detergent or Biokleen™ Bac-out, I just love their products.  However, if they want to send me free products, I would not turn them away.

• We have tried several cloth diaper safe and free & clear detergents over the years. There's a great guide to detergents available at pinstripesandpolkadots.com. No matter what we try, we keep returning to Country Save - it's cheap, clean rinsing, effective and safe for the planet. Every time I try something else, we have problems, even if I follow the new company's instructions for soaking/stripping or use for diapers.


• We have a really old top load washer - that may be the key. Not sure how to troubleshoot using a high efficiency or front load model.  We are waiting to get a fancy model once our son is out of diapers.

• We currently use a combination of prefold diapers with PUL (polyester with urethane) covers (we like Thirsties Duo Wraps), one size pocket diapers with microfiber, bamboo and hemp inserts (we like Fuzzibunz One Size Elite and Kawaii One Size Snazzy Minky, Goodnight Heavy Wetter and Mom Label Bamboo pockets the best) and all-in-two hybrids - reusable covers with organic cotton snap-in liners (We have the Grobaby system, which is now called Gro-via).  Most of our troubleshooting relates to pockets and removing build-up from dreaded microfiber inserts. 

• We have pretty hard water and focus on getting our diapers clean first and preventing/treating issues second.

• I would love to start making my own detergent, but that does not fit in my time budget as a full time working mom.

• Not all of my solutions are 100% granola crunchy.  I try to limit the use of chemicals in our home, as I and my kids have extremely sensitive skin, but sometimes bleach is the only thing that works.

Our Washing Routine:

• We use a large wet bag as our diaper pail at home and take a pail liner bag to daycare (they use a small trash can for our pail) every day.

• We don't use any products on our dipes before laundering except for spraying Biokleen Bac-out on poopy diapers. This is a natural enzyme cleaner that kills bacteria, so if you have issues with poopy smelling diapers coming out of your washer/dryer, it is a good product to try. This is also a great product for potty training carpet cleaning and getting cat urine out of carpet.
  
  Note: some people are sensitive to enzymes, if your baby is one of those people, don't use this or add an extra rinse.

• We wash diapers every 2-3 days. We have a fairly large stash, but I find that if our diapers sit longer than this, I have to work harder to battle ammonia issues, and I don't like to work harder. 

• Poopy diapers get rinsed immediately or as soon as we get the wet bag home from day care. We do not have a diaper sprayer, but use the dunk, swish and flush method of rinsing goopy newborn poop and use the plop and swish method of rinsing solid food poop. If you are faint of heart or grossed out by poop, you may want to buy or make a diaper sprayer.

• Overnight pee diapers get rinsed in the morning (when we have time/remember), to reduce ammonia build up. This is extremely important once your little one starts sleeping through the night, as your diapers will sit with urine in them for several hours.

• We wash on hot with a cold rinse and then move the dial back to rinse again on cold. I try to do the extra rinse before the washer's spin cycle starts, but sometimes I: 1. am lazy, 2. forget, 3. don't make it. It's really not a big deal, just a bit of extra energy. If I have used bleach or oxy clean in my main cycle, I run another full wash cycle on cold to ensure that it is all rinsed out of my diapers.
• I use about a half scoop of Country Save detergent on a full load of diapers, less if I have a smaller load. If I start having ammonia issues I start with a quarter scoop and add more if my dipes aren't getting clean.

• I typically wash my diapers on the highest water setting and longest wash setting available.  Fortunately for me, that is one cycle on my machine.

• I typically dry inserts and prefolds in the dryer on medium high heat and line dry my shells and covers on a drying rack. I find that my shells and covers last longer and look nicer when line dried.

• Once per month, I use about 1/4 cup of bleach or 1/2 a scoop of oxygen bleach in my hot wash cycle. I then do an entire cold wash cycle to ensure that all of it is rinsed from the diapers. This has almost eliminated the need for me to strip my diapers and helps remove stains and funky smells.

Easy Diaper Stripping:

Since moving to an area of the country with hard water, we have had to adjust our routine to include occasional (about 3-4 times per year) stripping to remove ammonia build up and keep our clean diapers smelling fresh and our babies' bottoms rash free. Ammonia build up is exacerbated by two things hard water (which we can't get away from) and detergent residue. After having tried about 30 different methods of stripping diapers, including soaking, special stripping detergents, dawn dish soap, and even boiling, we have developed the following routine that works for us.

• Hot water stripping - this is the easiest method available. We turn the water heater up to about 140 degrees about 30 minutes before we strip and wash on hot as normal. Then, we wash on hot with no detergent until there are no suds visible in the water when you open the lid. Sometimes we do this more than once if there are still suds.
  
  Note: Remember to turn your water heater back down again, both to save the planet and any little fingers in your home from getting burned by accident.

• Blue Dawn stripping - If we still have ammonia after a hot water strip, we'll then do a Dawn stripping. We use the original blue Dawn liquid dish soap (not dishwasher soap). It's important to not use any of the versions with a lot of additive or special properties. I have tried to use natural dish soaps like Green and Method, but they don't work as well.  To do a Dawn strip wash your diapers as normal.  After the rinse cycle is complete (but before the spin if you want), set your washer back to wash and wash on hot with a squirt of Dawn. Then rinse, rinse, rinse, rinse until you see no suds. 

Prevention:

• After we get rid of ammonia, we use 1/4 cup of bleach about once a month in our wash cycle to help preventing it from coming back. I hate using it, but it really works and it is cheap.

• If ammonia comes back, I reduce the amount of detergent I am using and start rinsing the diapers on warm instead of hot, as I think warm does a better job of getting detergent out.  

Happy diapering!

Work-Life Balance Beam

Disclaimer: This post is entirely intended to represent my perspective on being a working mom. I don't speak for all working moms, nor do I intend to disparage stay at home moms, who I deeply respect.

Adorableness

I am a full time working mom, a.k.a. a WOHM (internet acronym for work outside of the home mom), a career woman or in some people's minds - a feminazi who shouldn't have had children if I didn't intend to raise them myself. I am not being hyperbolic - I have actually been told this.

It has always bothered me that women who work outside of the home have to explain their situation or rationale for doing so frequently to almost everyone they encounter - from the family members to coworkers to the baby's doctor to people on the street: 

"So, will you be staying home? Oh, *with suprise* you'll be returning to work? Part time? Oh, full time? So you'll have a nanny, right? Oh, you're sending him to day care? *pause* Well, that's one way to develop a strong immune system."  

Silly Girl

Don't get me wrong, I am sure stay at home parents find themselves justifying their decisions, too. I have even caught myself thinking the really condescending: "must be nice to be able to afford to stay home" when someone has told me they are a stay at home parent. The thing is, I don't want to stay home full time. I wish that maternity leave was six months to a year, and I love the time that I spend with my children, but I think staying home full time would not fulfill me as a person.  


I also don't get why people don't ask fathers why they aren't staying home or act surprised when they report that they work full time or act equally surprised when they discover that a father is a stay at home parent...but I digress.  

My top five reasons why I love being a working mom

Snow Angel

Art projects

1. Quality over Quantity - Like many parents, I think every moment with my kids is precious and for me. This is especially true for work days. From the early AM snuggles to nursing my son or reading a story to my daughter at lunch to play time, dinner and bed time and even late night visits to my bed. I really love spending time with my kids. I think back to those days during the holiday break when I spent all day, 24-7 with my two kids. By the time my husband arrived home, I wanted to hand him the baby and either cook a meal, go for a run or, at the very least, pee by myself. A friend once told me that she was a better mom for working outside the home and now that I am a mom, I totally agree with her.

2. Accomplishment - It gives me a sense of accomplishment to work and to do be awesome at my job. Maybe I am selfish, but I worked hard for my degrees and position, and despite the occasional terrible day at work, I like doing my job. I also like interacting with adults each day and building and maintaining an identity that is not solely "mom". 

Babywearing

3. Income - With my job and earning potential, it wouldn't make sense for us financially for me to stay home.  And with two incomes in the mix, we can afford to do things with our kids that we wouldn't be able to otherwise and maintain a fairly high standard of living - owning a home (well two homes right now, but that's another story), having two hybrid cars, being able to afford to buy organic and join a CSA, go on vacation, buy lots of cloth diapers and baby carriers and send our kids to gymnastics and swimming lessons, etc. With only one income, we wouldn't be able to afford to do those things, or we'd have to sacrifice to get there. 

4. Me time and the ability to focus - For the most part, if I am having a busy or hectic day at work, I can shut my office door, buckle down and get my project done. When I am at home and have a lot of projects to complete, I don't have that luxury, and since my daughter thinks the vacuum is a scary alien and my son seems to poop whenever we have some place important to go, everything takes hours longer to complete than it should.

Play time

5. The best of both worlds - When Katelyn was a baby, I had the flexibility to work 4 - 10 hour shifts and work from home two days a week. Now, I can work from home occasionally, and I have both flexibility and proximity to my children's day care to visit them over the lunch hour (to nurse my son and have lunch with my daughter or read her a story). I have elected to work 7:30 - 4:00, so I have ample daylight hours to hang out with my kids in the evening. At the same time, I have a job that, for the most part, allows me to work when I am there and leave my work at work. Some days, I feel like I can do it all - have good quality time with my kids, be effective at my job, keep the house relatively clean, have at least one cooking or crafting project going every week, and work out every day. Some days, not so much. But they really are few and far between. I couldn't do this without my awesome partner and workplace flexibility - two things for which I am really grateful.

I am not saying it's not hard and many days I feel guilty - I firmly believe that guilt comes with being a mom. But, I hope to show my kids, especially my daughter, that women can be bread-winners and that gender roles don't have to be the norm. 

And to the naysayers, I say: I am woman, hear me roar. 

Flourless Peanut Butter Honey Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Lactation Cookies

I am trying to cut out flour, but wanted to make some lactation cookies, so I adapted a few recipes I found online and did a trial batch.  I was looking for something less dense than the other recipes I have tried.  The verdict - I don't want to change a thing. Chewy, nutty, peanut buttery, chocolatey...nom nom nom.  My three year old helped and loved them, too, as did my husband. I included vegan modifications, as well.

Ingredients

• ¼ cup butter (softened) or coconut/flaxseed oil if you are vegan
• 1 cup natural peanut butter (peanuts ground into butter with no added sugar)
• ½ cup honey
• ¼ brown or cane sugar
• 2 eggs or an extra ½ cup of flax meal if you are vegan
• 1 tsp vanilla 
• ¼  tsp salt
• 2 – 3 tbsp. Brewer’s yeast
• ½ cup ground flax seed
• ½ cup almond flour (or grind almonds in food processor)
• 1 ½  cups rolled oats
• ½ cup oats ground in food processor (I do the oats and almonds together)
• 1 tsp baking soda
• ½ cup dark chocolate chips
• ½ cup almond slivers

 Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350º F
2. Stir together butter, peanut butter, honey and sugar till thoroughly mixed.
3. Add eggs and beat till mixed.
4. Stir in vanilla
5. Add dry ingredients and mix thoroughly.
6. Use an spoon or cookie scoop to drop cookies on cookie sheet. Press flat on cookie sheet before baking.
7. Bake 15-17 minutes – will be chewy

Please share, especially with lactating mamas who want to boost their supply, but please don't sell my recipe or cookies.

Defining my own success

I had always intended to breastfeed my children at least a year, if not longer. In fact, I was one of those women who didn't understand why anyone would NOT breastfeed. I considered myself a lactivist. I took a breastfeeding class at the hospital and read tons of books and websites to try to prepare. I got my husband on board, bought a pump, nursing bras and breast pads. I was 100% committed to feeding my baby in the most natural way possible.
 

My perfect girl, Katelyn, moments after birth

Then my beautiful daughter was born. I started breastfeeding her moments after birth. She latched on like a champ, and I spent the next 24 hours waking her every couple of hours to nurse. We only stayed at the hospital for one night and a young nurse made a mistake when testing her bilirubin levels before discharge and consequently, we didn't know how severely jaundiced she was. 

Four days later after several trips to see a lactation consultant, my milk hadn't come in, and baby girl had lost a full pound.  She was so jaundiced that she had to be readmitted for light treatment. It was the scariest two days of my life. She bounced back right away. While she was in the NICU, I pumped and pumped and pumped, only getting a half ounce at a time.  After she came home again, I kept seeing the lactation consultant and she recommended a supplemental nursing system or SNS, basically a bottle with a tube that I could use to supplement breast feeding with formula. I hated buying that first canister of formula. It felt so wrong, but at the same time, I needed to feed my baby.

Sleepy girl

Each breastfeeding session took about an hour, filling the SNS, getting her to latch, inserting the tiny tube, feeding her and then switching sides and doing the same thing.  After each feeding, I pumped for at least 15-20 minutes.  I also took several herbal supplements and a prescription drug called Domperidone that I paid a couple of hundred dollars for each month's supply from a compounding pharmacy.  My midwife would only prescribe 2 months.  I kept trying to build my supply.  I ate all of the things that are known to boost supply - oatmeal, flax, brewer's yeast, drank my weight in water, tried to get plenty of rest, nursed my girl 24/7 and pumped 12 times a day as well.  It seemed like my supply issues could not be overcome, and I was driving myself crazy trying.

Daddy gets to nurse, too!

Eventually, when I had to stop taking the Domperidone, my supply diminished greatly.  Then, I got plugged ducts and mastitis.  I spent so many nights crying over what was, or was not, coming out of my breasts and got very little sleep.  And for those readers who have never pumped before, it is really dehumanizing.  I hated every minute.  Especially since my breasts didn't respond well to the pump, and I never got more than a couple of ounces. I was miserable.  And it never occurred to me that it was okay to BOTH feed my baby breast milk and formula. I had always heard my friends say they breast fed EXCLUSIVELY, as if it was a badge of honor. And, don't get me wrong, I think breastfeeding is awesome. 

Beautiful girl!

So, when faced with a life of being hooked to a baby and a pump 24/7 and feeling like crap, I decided to stop breast feeding my daughter. It was a decision I agonized over. I remember calling my one friend who formula fed and talking to her at length about it. I had judged her so harshly when I found out she was not breast feeding and here I was, making the same choice. Luckily, she was completely supportive and loving. I wish I could say the same for my breastfeeding friends.

I always assumed that I didn't try hard enough, wasn't committed enough and failed at breastfeeding.  I felt a lot of guilt for a long time. I dreaded the questions I got from my friends, co-workers and even strangers about how I was feeding her. But she grew, thrived and was happy and healthy, despite only getting breast milk for the first couple of months of her life.  3.5 years later...all of those emotions and disappointments feel a world away.

My perfect boy!

My beautiful son was born in October. I had pre-eclampsia and had to be induced at 37 weeks. My big boy was already 8 lbs. He latched well, but because he was early, they started me pumping after every feeding in the hospital. We stayed two nights and when he started losing weight and had high bilirubin, we knew what we were dealing with. We were able to treat his jaundice at home with a bililight, and our doctor had us start supplementing with formula. We were using an SNS and pumping after every feeding, too. It felt like deja vu. This time I was even more committed to nurse my child. When he was five days old, I went to see a lactation consultant and a physician who specializes in breast feeding. They watched me feed my son and confirmed that he had no problem latching. But, when they weighed him before and after, he had hardly taken anything. They instructed me to focus on feeding the baby and not stress about how I was feeding him (bless them) and sent me home with instructions to continue supplementing with an SNS and pump after every feeding.  

Ian breastfeeding!

I came back for a follow up a couple of days later. Ian had gained weight! Yay! But when they weighed him before and after feeding, he still only got a very small amount of breast milk. The doctor listened to my story, asked me some questions, examined my breasts and then showed me a journal article that reported research regarding breast hypoplasia. Breast hypoplasia: I had never heard of this condition before this moment. Apparently, when my breasts developed during puberty, they didn't develop enough glandular tissue to eventually produce enough breast milk. There's no way to really predict who might have this. My breasts don't look like the pictures online. I don't have many of the associated conditions - PCOS, infertility, etc. But, after learning more, I felt so relieved. I didn't fail, my body failed me. I was committed to doing what I could, but armed with the knowledge that I might not be able to breastfeed exclusively, I felt so much pressure lifted from my shoulders.

In the next few weeks, I battled postpartum depression, thrush (cracked nipples, anyone?) and learned to accept myself and forgive myself for the things beyond my control. When I was diagnosed with breast hypoplasia or insufficient glandular tissue, the doctor suggested that I re-define what I considered breastfeeding success. For me, that success has been breastfeeding my son at every feeding and pumping during the day at work. Even though my son only gets about 1/4 to 1/3 of his meal from me, now at 4.5 months, he is still nursing. 

Beautiful Boy!

I don't know how long I will breast feed Ian. I consider myself successful already. My message for all of you moms out there who have struggled with supply - you are not alone and breastfeeding is not an all or nothing option. Get support, define your own success and feed your baby - at the breast, with an SNS, with a bottle, with pumped breast milk, with formula or with any combination of the above. The most important part is that she or he is fed, loved and nourished.  

Feel free to share this blog with anyone you may know who needs to hear this.

Welcome post

Hello! Welcome to naturally sweetened. This will be a place for me to share my adventures in parenting two great kids (Katelyn-3.5 and Ian - 4 months), partnering with a great guy and attempting to live life more simply and naturally, while working full time outside of the home. Can I do it all? Have success as a parent, a partner and a manager? I'd like to think so.