"I don't want to be a boy"

Those of you who know my family in real life, have probably seen Katelyn's impressive head of hair. Silken curls and waves of gold. She used to have red hair, but now it is more a golden blond. I love her hair. Probably too much. Emotionally invested in it the way I used to be in my own waist length locks.

We have found that the best way to care for her hair is to wash it no more than once per week, use coconut oil in her bath water, spray it with diluted apple cider vinegar to de-tangle and braid it at night or else. The "or else" = massive mats and impossible tangles, which I know hurt to comb out.

Sorry mom, I remember how much it hurt to have my hair brushed as a child. I don't want to hurt her! It literally makes my heart hurt to hear her cry. 

We use a bamboo brush from the Body Shop, as it is the least likely to get caught in her hair. With all of these measures in place, we still have rough mornings. No matter what tools we use, how slow we go or how gentle we are, she cries and screams and won't sit still. I don't blame her. I remember how much this hurts. Sometimes I think that she is adding a bit of dramatic flare, though.

A few months ago we broke down and cut bangs. She was sucking on her hair and it was getting completely tangled and unruly. Think Hermione from Harry Potter. She loved her trip to the salon. We have contemplated getting her hair cut short.

This morning was one of the roughest so far. So, being a huge believer in bodily autonomy, I asked Katelyn: "Would you like to get your hair cut shorter?" Much to my surprise, she started to cry.

She said: "But mommy, I don't want to be a boy. Short hair is for boys."

Where did she learn this? We don't speak about gender a lot at home, unless we are describing anatomy--explaining why Ian has a penis and Katelyn has a vulva or why daddy can't carry a baby in his uterus because he doesn't have one. I have short hair, so does Katelyn's grandma, aunt Amy, etc. and many men we know have long hair, including her Uncle Ken.  We also don't follow many traditional gender roles in our home. My husband was a stay at home dad at one time and holds a position in a primarily female field. In turn, I hold a position in a primarily male field and have been our family's breadwinner.

I responded - "That's not true. Both boys and girls can have long hair or short hair, but we won't cut your hair if you don't want to."

I went on to ask her why she thinks that. She looked so confused. "Because. I can't - I am a girl."

I asked her who told her that and she had no response and again, looked at me like I was a combination of stupid and crazy.

This made my heart hurt. I don't want anyone telling my kid that she can't do something because she is a girl, even if it is only getting her hair cut.

I am sure she heard about this at preschool and this is only the beginning. I know that she will encounter people from all over the world, with all sorts of beliefs about gender roles and what's "proper". I can't control what other people tell her, and I certainly can't stop our culture from reaching her with its terrible messages about what it means to be a girl. I am sure if many of the parents of her classmates knew about the conversations we had in our home or our philosophy regarding gender roles, they wouldn't want their kids to play with mine.

What I can do is reinforce positive messages about being a girl and a woman. Being a girl fucking rocks! (Yes, I said fucking, and I don't care if you don't think it's proper). And being a girl doesn't mean that you have to look, do things or act "like a girl" to rock at being a girl.

I think being a boy, also probably fucking rocks, although I don't have any direct experience in that regard. But that doesn't mean you have to be a walking stereotype to rock at being a boy.

It bothers me when people tell girls - "you can't...get dirty, cut your hair, like bugs, play a sport...because you are a girl." Or "don't be a girl!" when someone is acting scared or doesn't want to do something scary.

It also bothers me when people say - "you can't...paint your nails, wear a skirt, cry, like dolls...because you are a boy". Or "he's just being a boy" when a male child acts violent or destructive or is covered in mud.

My son is wearing a "girl's" shirt

I think gender should not be limiting, considered a "blessing" nor an excuse for bad behavior. And being a girl should not be an insult any more than being a boy should be a way of describing a certain type of child.

No matter what path my son or daughter chooses - short hair, a career in research science, becoming a hockey player...or playing with dolls, taking ballet and becoming a stay at home parent, I will love and support them (I do want them to be able to support themselves financially, too, but that is another blog).

For those critics who say that letting my son wear a dress or paint his nails will result in him being beaten up or bullied, I ask: "Shouldn't I be a part of changing our culture, instead of reinforcing that these things are wrong?" I plan to teach both of my children how to resolve conflict and how to respond to bullies, including when to involve an adult, but I will not tell them not to do something because of their sex or gender.

And if I hear one more person say - "you wouldn't understand, you are not a man, or worse, you are just a girl," I may just kick them in the area that makes them one.

Building a Pallet Garden

So, for a crafty, DIY mom, I can be shockingly anti-Pintrest. I feel like so many projects on Pintrest are not possible by laypeople with kids, jobs, lack of experience, lack of access to specialty equipment...so, I didn't have tremendously high hopes for our weekend pallet garden project. But, as we already had most of the components in our garage - organic top soil, peat moss, fall leaves that didn't get taken to the curb last fall when I was eleventy months pregnant and an old pallet - and I really wanted a herb garden closer to the house, we decided to give it a shot. We just had to buy some landscape fabric and some plants/seeds.

Pallet garden from Pintrest

We decided to do ours "lasagna garden" style, which means that we layered leaves, compost, top soil and peat moss to form the base to grow our plants. We initially were going to plant only herbs, but decided to try some other plants - carrots, greens and beets - to see how they would turn out.

Here are the directions from Pintrest, followed by a pictorial of our project.

From Pintrest: Got Pallets? Hate weeding? Dont feel like turning up a bunch of grass? Use a pallet as a garden bed - staple garden cloth on the backside of the pallet fill with dirt and start growing! You can also place your pallet on the ground in a rocky location rather than a grassy area, this way you will not need the garden cloth to stop the weeds and grass comin through. Please be advised: Use raw wood pallets! Some that are shipped overseas may contain chemicals. 

Hate weeding? Yes! Have Pallets? Yes Don't feel like turning up a bunch of grass? Yes!!

But this sounds too easy. I wonder how hard it will be with no experience and an enthusiastic almost four year old helper?

Supplies:

• Wooden Pallet
  
  

• Landscape Fabric - $9 for a 150 Ft. roll.
• Staple gun - $10 and staples - $3 (we bought a new one - the old fashioned metal kind - as our expensive one is not great at stapling through wood)
  
  
• Planting medium - potting mix or layers for a lasagna garden. We used four bags of organic topsoil ($1.24 for a 40 lb bag), which we already had in the garage, peat moss ($4 for three cubic yards), which we also had left over from our other garden projects, dried leaves (free), compost (free)
• Plants/seeds (we spent $3 on basil plants and dill plants from the farmer's market and then about $3 total on organic seeds with plenty left over for our main garden, boxes or to save for next year).

Directions:

• Lean pallet against your house/garage. Lift with your legs and watch your toes! Pallets are surprisingly heavy! 

• Staple landscape fabric to the bottom and sides of the pallet, pulling it tight and folding under the edges and folding corners like a present.
• Overlap the fabric on the bottom and secure flap with more staples to ensure that it is "sealed" so no dirt escapes.
• Be careful not to staple thumb or fingers.

Look at the beautifully spaced staples and even edges! Type A, anyone?

• The pallet should be open on top and the sides and bottom should be "sealed" with the landscape fabric, like a present with no top, so the soil does not escape.

• Place the pallet where you'd like your garden to stay. This is important, because the pallet is heavy when it is empty and would be impossibly heavy with 100+ lbs of planting medium inside.
  
• We leveled our area first with a hoe.
  
• Don't worry if there's some weeds/grass underneath, as the garden will kill them.

• If you have a helper, you can have them use the planter as a balance beam to ensure that it is level and that they have optimal fun with this project. 

Helper Katy walking on the pallet to test the proper placement

• Fill your pallet with planting medium. We did layers of dead leaves, organic top soil, peat moss, and compost. This is FUN, don't worry if you get soil on the wood, it will wash off.

• Stop and take a video of your adorable daughter throwing peat moss into the pallet.

• Have your helper review your work to ensure that the proper amount of medium is added. Just kidding, there's no wrong way to do this, folks. Be sure to get your hands dirty and have fun.

• Plant bedding plants and sow seeds according to the instructions on the package. Water well.

• Enjoy your accomplishment and pose for a photo shoot.  Let your helper take some photos, too.

Covered in mud

I look like I have a halo in this photo Katy took. Don't worry, it's just a trick of the light.

In total, this project only took about 30 minutes with a preschool-aged helper, including time to act silly, haul the supplies from the garage/car, take photos and clean up. I call this a win!

Naturally Sweetened Whole Wheat Banana Muffins

I normally hate whole wheat baked goods because they end up so dense. But this recipe I adapted from my favorite banana bread recipe turned out light, moist and yummy! I replaced the sugar with local honey and added walnuts and chocolate chips. My almost four year old ate three of them and my husband has had at least five since this morning. I didn't put any crack in them, I promise.

Recipe 

I was shooting for 12, but ended up with 16 muffins.

 

Ingredients:

1 3/4 cups whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup butter or oil of your choice

1/2 cup honey
2 eggs
3 medium mashed ripe bananas
1/4 cup hot water

Optional: 1/2 cup of dark chocolate chips, walnuts or both.

 

Directions:

• Stir together dry ingredients.
• Beat melted butter or oil and honey together; add eggs and beat well.
• Add bananas and beat to combine. 
• Add dry ingredients to wet, alternating with hot water; mix well after each addition.
• Spoon batter into greased or papered muffin cups.
• bake at 325 degrees for 15-18 minutes, or until muffins are golden brown and test done.
• Remove from oven and cool on rack.

Sick of Guilt, Hungry for Self-acceptance

I am addicted to working out. There, I said it. Exercise is my drug. At one point in my life before I had kids I worked out at least 2 hours a day, sometimes more. Running, spinning, kickboxing, interval training, weights, cardio, plyometrics, dance, yoga. You name it.

My Weightloss Journey

At my heaviest on my wedding day

Disclaimer: I have never really been overweight - my weight has always been within the guidelines for normal, however I have always thought I was overweight. Always. Maybe it was growing up in the 80's and watching my mom diet and listening to her talk about the value of being thin. Now, as an adult, I understand that being thin is not valuable. Being healthy is. Maybe it was the boy taunting me in junior high or the other boy who taunted me in high school. I can still recall those moments with shame. For the record, I weighed 115 lbs in High School! Maybe it was having family members and friends with eating disorders, bodies shaped by years of torture into starving machines fueled by diet coke and baby carrots. Whatever the reason, I definitely saw something different when I looked in the mirror than what my husband and others close to me saw.

At my thinnest adult weight - 110 lbs

After getting married and hating both the pictures from that special day and the double digit number on the tag, I decided to change my diet and lose some weight. I joined Weight Watchers at work and presto, within a couple of months I was down to my high school weight and then a short time later, even thinner. I am also short, so losing 30 lbs meant I became super thin. So thin that a few of my friends thought I needed an intervention. It made me so mad. At 29 years old, I was fit, wore a size 0 or 2 and felt great about myself. When I look at picture though, it's a bit shocking how thin I was. I totally didn't see it when I looked in the mirror. I wanted to lose more.

Pregnancy Changes Everything

Then I got pregnant with my daughter. I still worked out. My midwife approved continued exercise, and I tried to stay healthy and maintain a healthy body image. I worked out every day (when I didn't go home and fall asleep on the couch at 6 pm). I even ran a 5K in 24 minutes when I was 10 weeks pregnant! Then I started gaining. I tried to view my growing belly with pride, but on the inside, I felt like a failure every time I stepped on the scale.

24 weeks

34 weeks

From exercise addict to badass mother goddess

I walked every day during my pregnancy, no matter what the weather. I even walked 7 miles the day before my daughter was born trying to induce pregnancy and avoid a medical induction. Despite all of my efforts, I still gained 50 lbs with my first pregnancy. On my 5'2" frame, it was all belly. After I had my daughter, I started walking and doing Jillian Michael's as soon as my midwife said it was okay. The baby weight flew off. Pretty soon I was back down to a healthy weight. I was a little heavier than when I got pregnant, but still a size 4-6. I tried to work out every day after she went to sleep. Even though I was hard on myself, I tried to see my body as an amazing maternal force to be reckoned with.

Life Moves On

Me with 2.5 year old Katy

Flash forward three years. Three stressful job changes, preparing our home for sale, a stressful move, living with my parents, moving two more times, buying a second home and getting pregnant with baby number two. Working out still remained a priority and I continued to rely on it to feel happy and feel tremendous guilt when I had to skip a night.

Then I got HG. Hyperemesis Gravidum. Morning sickness so severe that I couldn't keep any food or water down. I started losing weight, had to pack in high calorie foods whenever I could keep them down to stay healthy and functioning for myself and my baby. I didn't have energy to do ANYTHING, so working out was not possible. My HG subsided at about 24 weeks. By then it was 100 degrees outside every day. Working out became a memory. Then I got into a car accident. So in addition to being eleventy months pregnant (well, 27 weeks, but it felt like eleventy months), I was in pain. Then, I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and put on bed rest. I started gaining...mostly water weight. By the time I had my son at 37 weeks, I had gained 36 lbs total with my pregnancy.


This maternal force felt broken and tired
I went to physical therapy, started walking (as well as I could) and began working out again as soon as my midwife said it was okay. To make things more complicated, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and breast hypoplasia (insufficient glandular tissue), which resulted in significant breast feeding challenges. Despite my eventual success nursing my son part time and for longer than I was able to do so with his sister, I began to see my body as a failure. I also began to let my body image issues feed that nasty bitch named depression, who in turn started to lie to me about how I look and how important that is to who I am.



Today

I am now 6 months postpartum and have completed the 13 week P90X program and half of the insane, intense cardio program aptly named, Insanity. I still have 10 lbs to lose to be back to my pre-baby #2 weight and about 10-15 more lbs I would like to lose on top of that. I feel tremendous guilt if I skip a workout. I still am fighting a battle with depression and body image issues. I know logically I need to step away from the scale. That I should focus on more than the number on my scale or the labels on my clothes. That I should focus on health and feeling good first and foremost. I am trying to rethink my priorities and let my heart learn what my brain knows about what my body can do, that I am healthy and strong and that I should be proud of myself. 

I want to be a good role model for my daughter. Every time she steps on the scale, I say, "Look at how healthy and strong you are growing." 

I should say the same to myself every day. Baby steps.

A Sea of Red...

This normally won't be my platform for political posts, but I felt compelled to address the red equals sign that I and many, many other people posted on our Facebook walls yesterday and added to our profile pics. I also wanted to share why I support marriage equality. 

Did your Facebook feature a sea of red equal signs yesterday? Did you ask someone what it meant? If you posted one, did you inform anyone about its meaning?

I had so many friends say they weren't doing it because it was a "hipster" thing to do or that it wouldn't make a difference in the long run, because the Supreme Court wasn't checking their newsfeed before handing down a decision. 

The thing about the sea of red is that it's not about forcing the SCOTUS to decide one way or another, it's about awareness and support. 

Nearly all of my staff had no idea what was happening in Washington yesterday. I wore red and told them why I was wearing red. Which may or may not have been appropriate. My Facebook includes everyone from my 13 year old second cousin to my 65 year old uncle and everyone in between.  If I informed one person about why discrimination sucks and why marriage equality is a human right yesterday, then the sea of red did something good. I may not have changed the outcome of the case, but I informed, enlightened and perhaps changed some hearts and minds along the way. Also, if I made one of my gay friends feel like they had one more ally in the world, I feel accomplished.

As a straight, married woman, why do I feel so strongly about marriage equality? 

First and foremost, even if I didn't know and love many gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, I would push for marriage equality. Why? Because not allowing same sex couples to marry and to benefit from the rights and privileges available only to married people is discrimination. 

Discrimination is wrong. Period. 

And in the United States, state-sponsored discrimination is unconstitutional. According to the Equal Protection Clause of the Constitution, "no state shall deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws." Not allowing same sex couples to marry does this big time. If I don't stand up for all people facing discrimination, it's like saying discrimination is okay. 

But seriously, I would feel this way even if I didn't know any gay people.  When Republican Senator Rob Portman (Ohio) announced that he has a gay son and could no longer justify his opposition to same-sex marriage, I was glad that he went public, but at the same time, it made me mad. Why? Because I think people, in general, and especially those in positions of power and who represent diverse constituencies, should support what's right even when it doesn't impact them personally.  Actually, let me go one step further and state that in places where citizens elect leaders to represent them, those leaders should support what's right especially when it doesn't impact them personally.  

The fact is, I do know and love many gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. They are wonderful people, human beings, who love and deserve the right to marry the people they love, form families, not have to fight every day for rights and acknowledgement that I take for granted as a married straight woman - the right to add their partner to health insurance, to have both partners legally recognized as parents to their children, to file taxes jointly, to make medical/end of life decisions, etc...and so many more. 

Allowing gay people to marry not only doesn't hurt anyone, I believe it is good for our society. Marriage is not right for everyone. But it does symbolize commitment and strength in a relationship. Allowing same sex couples to marry will ensure that more loving families are formed and that can only be good for our society. 

This is not about religion...this is about ethics, what's right, equality, fairness.

There are so many people who have no idea what's going on in this country (or their community or the world...but that is a topic for another day). If only we could have a different color for every day and inform people about poverty, women's rights, rape, hunger, the environment, world conflict, globalism, etc...   

Please feel free to share this post with anyone who gives you a hard time for sporting a red equal sign or supporting marriage equality. Maybe together we can raise more awareness.

Easy, Effective Cloth Diaper Care

Caring for cloth diapers is EASY.  I repeat: EASY.  There's a bit of a learning curve, but once you get into a routine, it's actually fun. And easy. And good for baby. And better for the planet. And did I mention easy?

When we decided to cloth diaper, so many people made comments like: 

"I give you a month!"

"It's too hard!"

 "I remember cloth diapering my kids (who are now grown), it was such a pain."

"Your house is going to stink!"

"Ain't nobody got time for that." - kidding. 

So far, I have proven all of the naysayers wrong. I absolutely love cloth diapering. They are cute, easy and better for the planet.  

You might say that I am addicted. We have spent quite a bit of money on our stash, probably a total of $350-400 on diapers for our two kids over the past four years. However, we can generally recoup 50-75% of the new cost when the selling items we are no longer using or don't like like used on diaper swap boards/at a local diaper consignment sale - in total we've probably made $100 back. Besides, that's nothing compared to the cost of disposable diapers.  

I get asked all of the time for cloth diaper troubleshooting tips. After battling yeast and ammonia stink issues when our daughter was in diapers, I tried pretty much every tip and trick for washing and stripping diapers and preventing these issues from returning.

Disclaimers: 

• I have no affiliation with Thirsties©, Fuzzibunz©, Kawaii, Gro-via©, Country Save detergent or Biokleen™ Bac-out, I just love their products.  However, if they want to send me free products, I would not turn them away.

• We have tried several cloth diaper safe and free & clear detergents over the years. There's a great guide to detergents available at pinstripesandpolkadots.com. No matter what we try, we keep returning to Country Save - it's cheap, clean rinsing, effective and safe for the planet. Every time I try something else, we have problems, even if I follow the new company's instructions for soaking/stripping or use for diapers.


• We have a really old top load washer - that may be the key. Not sure how to troubleshoot using a high efficiency or front load model.  We are waiting to get a fancy model once our son is out of diapers.

• We currently use a combination of prefold diapers with PUL (polyester with urethane) covers (we like Thirsties Duo Wraps), one size pocket diapers with microfiber, bamboo and hemp inserts (we like Fuzzibunz One Size Elite and Kawaii One Size Snazzy Minky, Goodnight Heavy Wetter and Mom Label Bamboo pockets the best) and all-in-two hybrids - reusable covers with organic cotton snap-in liners (We have the Grobaby system, which is now called Gro-via).  Most of our troubleshooting relates to pockets and removing build-up from dreaded microfiber inserts. 

• We have pretty hard water and focus on getting our diapers clean first and preventing/treating issues second.

• I would love to start making my own detergent, but that does not fit in my time budget as a full time working mom.

• Not all of my solutions are 100% granola crunchy.  I try to limit the use of chemicals in our home, as I and my kids have extremely sensitive skin, but sometimes bleach is the only thing that works.

Our Washing Routine:

• We use a large wet bag as our diaper pail at home and take a pail liner bag to daycare (they use a small trash can for our pail) every day.

• We don't use any products on our dipes before laundering except for spraying Biokleen Bac-out on poopy diapers. This is a natural enzyme cleaner that kills bacteria, so if you have issues with poopy smelling diapers coming out of your washer/dryer, it is a good product to try. This is also a great product for potty training carpet cleaning and getting cat urine out of carpet.
  
  Note: some people are sensitive to enzymes, if your baby is one of those people, don't use this or add an extra rinse.

• We wash diapers every 2-3 days. We have a fairly large stash, but I find that if our diapers sit longer than this, I have to work harder to battle ammonia issues, and I don't like to work harder. 

• Poopy diapers get rinsed immediately or as soon as we get the wet bag home from day care. We do not have a diaper sprayer, but use the dunk, swish and flush method of rinsing goopy newborn poop and use the plop and swish method of rinsing solid food poop. If you are faint of heart or grossed out by poop, you may want to buy or make a diaper sprayer.

• Overnight pee diapers get rinsed in the morning (when we have time/remember), to reduce ammonia build up. This is extremely important once your little one starts sleeping through the night, as your diapers will sit with urine in them for several hours.

• We wash on hot with a cold rinse and then move the dial back to rinse again on cold. I try to do the extra rinse before the washer's spin cycle starts, but sometimes I: 1. am lazy, 2. forget, 3. don't make it. It's really not a big deal, just a bit of extra energy. If I have used bleach or oxy clean in my main cycle, I run another full wash cycle on cold to ensure that it is all rinsed out of my diapers.
• I use about a half scoop of Country Save detergent on a full load of diapers, less if I have a smaller load. If I start having ammonia issues I start with a quarter scoop and add more if my dipes aren't getting clean.

• I typically wash my diapers on the highest water setting and longest wash setting available.  Fortunately for me, that is one cycle on my machine.

• I typically dry inserts and prefolds in the dryer on medium high heat and line dry my shells and covers on a drying rack. I find that my shells and covers last longer and look nicer when line dried.

• Once per month, I use about 1/4 cup of bleach or 1/2 a scoop of oxygen bleach in my hot wash cycle. I then do an entire cold wash cycle to ensure that all of it is rinsed from the diapers. This has almost eliminated the need for me to strip my diapers and helps remove stains and funky smells.

Easy Diaper Stripping:

Since moving to an area of the country with hard water, we have had to adjust our routine to include occasional (about 3-4 times per year) stripping to remove ammonia build up and keep our clean diapers smelling fresh and our babies' bottoms rash free. Ammonia build up is exacerbated by two things hard water (which we can't get away from) and detergent residue. After having tried about 30 different methods of stripping diapers, including soaking, special stripping detergents, dawn dish soap, and even boiling, we have developed the following routine that works for us.

• Hot water stripping - this is the easiest method available. We turn the water heater up to about 140 degrees about 30 minutes before we strip and wash on hot as normal. Then, we wash on hot with no detergent until there are no suds visible in the water when you open the lid. Sometimes we do this more than once if there are still suds.
  
  Note: Remember to turn your water heater back down again, both to save the planet and any little fingers in your home from getting burned by accident.

• Blue Dawn stripping - If we still have ammonia after a hot water strip, we'll then do a Dawn stripping. We use the original blue Dawn liquid dish soap (not dishwasher soap). It's important to not use any of the versions with a lot of additive or special properties. I have tried to use natural dish soaps like Green and Method, but they don't work as well.  To do a Dawn strip wash your diapers as normal.  After the rinse cycle is complete (but before the spin if you want), set your washer back to wash and wash on hot with a squirt of Dawn. Then rinse, rinse, rinse, rinse until you see no suds. 

Prevention:

• After we get rid of ammonia, we use 1/4 cup of bleach about once a month in our wash cycle to help preventing it from coming back. I hate using it, but it really works and it is cheap.

• If ammonia comes back, I reduce the amount of detergent I am using and start rinsing the diapers on warm instead of hot, as I think warm does a better job of getting detergent out.  

Happy diapering!

Work-Life Balance Beam

Disclaimer: This post is entirely intended to represent my perspective on being a working mom. I don't speak for all working moms, nor do I intend to disparage stay at home moms, who I deeply respect.

Adorableness

I am a full time working mom, a.k.a. a WOHM (internet acronym for work outside of the home mom), a career woman or in some people's minds - a feminazi who shouldn't have had children if I didn't intend to raise them myself. I am not being hyperbolic - I have actually been told this.

It has always bothered me that women who work outside of the home have to explain their situation or rationale for doing so frequently to almost everyone they encounter - from the family members to coworkers to the baby's doctor to people on the street: 

"So, will you be staying home? Oh, *with suprise* you'll be returning to work? Part time? Oh, full time? So you'll have a nanny, right? Oh, you're sending him to day care? *pause* Well, that's one way to develop a strong immune system."  

Silly Girl

Don't get me wrong, I am sure stay at home parents find themselves justifying their decisions, too. I have even caught myself thinking the really condescending: "must be nice to be able to afford to stay home" when someone has told me they are a stay at home parent. The thing is, I don't want to stay home full time. I wish that maternity leave was six months to a year, and I love the time that I spend with my children, but I think staying home full time would not fulfill me as a person.  


I also don't get why people don't ask fathers why they aren't staying home or act surprised when they report that they work full time or act equally surprised when they discover that a father is a stay at home parent...but I digress.  

My top five reasons why I love being a working mom

Snow Angel

Art projects

1. Quality over Quantity - Like many parents, I think every moment with my kids is precious and for me. This is especially true for work days. From the early AM snuggles to nursing my son or reading a story to my daughter at lunch to play time, dinner and bed time and even late night visits to my bed. I really love spending time with my kids. I think back to those days during the holiday break when I spent all day, 24-7 with my two kids. By the time my husband arrived home, I wanted to hand him the baby and either cook a meal, go for a run or, at the very least, pee by myself. A friend once told me that she was a better mom for working outside the home and now that I am a mom, I totally agree with her.

2. Accomplishment - It gives me a sense of accomplishment to work and to do be awesome at my job. Maybe I am selfish, but I worked hard for my degrees and position, and despite the occasional terrible day at work, I like doing my job. I also like interacting with adults each day and building and maintaining an identity that is not solely "mom". 

Babywearing

3. Income - With my job and earning potential, it wouldn't make sense for us financially for me to stay home.  And with two incomes in the mix, we can afford to do things with our kids that we wouldn't be able to otherwise and maintain a fairly high standard of living - owning a home (well two homes right now, but that's another story), having two hybrid cars, being able to afford to buy organic and join a CSA, go on vacation, buy lots of cloth diapers and baby carriers and send our kids to gymnastics and swimming lessons, etc. With only one income, we wouldn't be able to afford to do those things, or we'd have to sacrifice to get there. 

4. Me time and the ability to focus - For the most part, if I am having a busy or hectic day at work, I can shut my office door, buckle down and get my project done. When I am at home and have a lot of projects to complete, I don't have that luxury, and since my daughter thinks the vacuum is a scary alien and my son seems to poop whenever we have some place important to go, everything takes hours longer to complete than it should.

Play time

5. The best of both worlds - When Katelyn was a baby, I had the flexibility to work 4 - 10 hour shifts and work from home two days a week. Now, I can work from home occasionally, and I have both flexibility and proximity to my children's day care to visit them over the lunch hour (to nurse my son and have lunch with my daughter or read her a story). I have elected to work 7:30 - 4:00, so I have ample daylight hours to hang out with my kids in the evening. At the same time, I have a job that, for the most part, allows me to work when I am there and leave my work at work. Some days, I feel like I can do it all - have good quality time with my kids, be effective at my job, keep the house relatively clean, have at least one cooking or crafting project going every week, and work out every day. Some days, not so much. But they really are few and far between. I couldn't do this without my awesome partner and workplace flexibility - two things for which I am really grateful.

I am not saying it's not hard and many days I feel guilty - I firmly believe that guilt comes with being a mom. But, I hope to show my kids, especially my daughter, that women can be bread-winners and that gender roles don't have to be the norm. 

And to the naysayers, I say: I am woman, hear me roar.