Why My Kids ARE the Center of My World - a Response to a Young Mother

Today, a friend on Facebook shared a blog from a young mother to two preschool-aged boys. She believes very strongly that her kids are not and should not be the center of her world. Her logic? They can't play guns at school and there are strict rules against bullying. She thinks this is bad. The cause? Kids these days aren't tough enough. Why? Their parents obviously coddle them. You can read her full blog here.

After I got over being angry and quite frankly, feeling sorry for her, I decided to write a response:

1. To outline the flaws in her logic, aided by quite a few leaps and emotional appeals to her audience, and
2. To respond to the idea that our children, especially very young children need to toughen up and be left on their own in order to become self-sufficient adults.

Full disclosure: I am a mom to two beautiful children. They, along with my husband, ARE the center of my world. I pride myself in following an attachment parenting philosophy. What's that? Well, since you asked and since there are many misconceptions about it, here goes: For me, attachment parenting is simply raising my kids with kindness, respect and dignity and modeling in my interactions with them the way I'd like them to interact with others. It's pretty simple. I don't spank and try not to yell at my kids, because I don't want them to resolve conflict with violence and yelling. We practice positive discipline - we model appropriate behavior, redirect and if necessary take some time to let our daughter calm down so we can get back to the fun stuff. Our son is still a baby, so no discipline for him. We aren't permissive, we set boundaries and try to give our kids the tools and support they need to be decent human beings within those boundaries. We also treat them like human beings who deserve love, respect and guidance. We don't expect obedience. What a strange thing to desire. I want our kids to learn to be independent, caring people because they want to be.

So, please take my philosophy into consideration when reading my response to Ms. Metz.

Her post starts off with a story - about how her young son chose not to take a toy to school because it looked like a gun, and he didn't want to get in trouble. Let's stop here.

If I were her, I would have told my son - "Hey, that was a good choice you just made. Way to go!" As a mother to a four and a half year old, I know how hard it is for a kid to shift gears. But instead of reinforcing critical thinking and decision making skills, this young mom got pissed. So pissed that she actually questioned the wisdom of bringing her boys into this world at all. What?! Did zombie apocalypse happen while I was sleeping? What about this world is so terrible that she would even think such a thing?

Boys can't be boys anymore.

I had to sort of laugh at the drama here. Seriously? First of all, there is not one way for boys to be. Some boys like guns and roughhousing, others like to dance, others are quiet and like to read, and yet others like to play with dolls. I really hope that this young mom opens her mind to the possibility that it's okay for her boys to not be a stereotype. Also, I hope that she offers support and love if her kids don't fall in line with her expectations or even worse, end up being bullied or bullies.

Then she goes on to talk about this nauseating world we live in. One where her poor boys can't pretend to shoot and kill other students at school. She openly mocks a teen girl contemplating suicide and expresses sadness that the poor children who call names and harass other students get labeled as bullies unfairly.

Again, seriously? Do you know why schools establish rules against violence and guns? Because children have died at the hands of other children in school shootings. Also, research has shown that playing with toy guns is positively associated with a higher level of aggression...not just on the playground during the game, but later in real life (Watson, M. W., & Peng, Y. 1994).

The world we live in has changed, but not in the way she thinks. Increased gun violence, more school shootings and technology that allows bullying to go viral are just a few examples. She doesn't really acknowledge those current events - school shootings and teen and child suicides - that have caused school policies to change or bullying to be redefined. She doesn't acknowledge how the parents of those children might feel. Instead, she is way more focused on her nostalgia for the good old days:

Many years ago, there was a time where young boys could run around with their toy guns, killing the bad guys.  You could take the toy guns away from the little boys, and they'd find something else around them - a stick, their fingers, etc -  and pretend it was a gun. 

This is a perfect example of a fallacy known as an "appeal to antiquity", which assumes that older ideas are better, that the fact that an idea has been around for a while implies that it is true. This, of course, is not the case; old ideas can be bad ideas, and new ideas can be good ideas. Times change. Events happen that cause us to change our hearts and minds. We evolve as a society. We learn more about how to prevent horrible things from happening. We might even change a policy or two in response.

She goes on with this gem:

Modern parenting and thinking makes me crazy.  The young generations of today (yes, I sound old.  I realize I'm only 29 years old.) are being taught that they shouldn't have to ever put up with anything doesn't make their hearts feel like rainbow colored unicorns are running around pooping skittles onto piles of marshmallows.

Because I want to focus on the facts, I will ignore her grammar. Here, she makes a wild leap. She states, as a fact, that this is what parents are teaching their children. This is a widely used tactic on Fox News. She has fallen prey to the classic fallacy of the straw man. One way to make your argument appear stronger is to set up a weak version of your opponent’s position and knock it down. But unfortunately, when you do this, you aren't proving more than that you can attack a weak argument - not impressive or effective.

Modern parenting is creating a generation that's not going to be able to function in society.

 

Okay...I have a few questions - where's your proof? Can you predict the future? How do you know what society is going to look like in your children's future? Remember that study I referenced above about aggression? Isn't it possible that the good old days - you know, the ones where kids could kill each other on the playground - created a present society that is violent. What kind of technology will our kids use as adults? I grew up without the Internet (thank goodness), so I just had kids tease and beat me up in the locker room at school, not post pictures of me on the internet with words like whore and slut as the headline. 

Your child, who you cater to every need, who you shelter from all things "evil."  How will this child react when he or she grows into adulthood?  "Debbie" graduates from high school and goes to college.  She writes her first paper and meets with her professor about that paper and the professor tells her that it's junk and it will get a failing grade.  How will Debbie cope with that if she's always been made to feel that no one should ever make her feel sad, or criticize anything she does?

How does not letting kids play with guns or get bullied equal not teaching our kids that they have to work hard or accept criticism? This is not only irrelevant, but it is a weak analogy. I will certainly shelter my kids from all things evil. That does not mean I will shelter them from the world. I will send them into the world knowing I love and support them and with the tools to manage conflict, but I always want them to know that they can come to me if someone is hurting them or they need help and not fear my response.

I certainly hope that the title of this blog post is starting to make sense.  Parents who make their children the center of their universe are not doing anyone any favors.  Obviously, as parents, we love our children more than anything.  But dropping everything to cater to their every need is only going to lead to a very rude awakening once they enter the real world.

Sorry, nope. You aren't making sense. It's our job as parents to care for our young children and help shape them into independent kids and later adults who have critical thinking skills. Part of that is being responsive to their needs. Our parenting of high schoolers will be vastly different than our parenting of preschoolers. Why? Because they are at different stages in their cognitive and social development. Your argument implies that it is better to drop your kids in the deep end when they are young to teach them to swim than it is to jump in the water with them, hold them up and show them a few strokes. I am just not buying it. Particularly from someone who hasn't been a parent for very long. There will be plenty of time for my kids to learn life lessons and cruel realities. For now, I will protect them and shelter them, not in a bubble, but in them knowing they can trust me, knowing that they are safe and being able to just be kids. Preschool is not the time to learn that the world is shitty. It's just not.  

We follow the rules and don't take toy guns or weapons to daycare.  But I'll be darned if my boys aren't allowed to be little boys when they're at home.  They have several toy guns and it's constantly a good guy vs. bad guy battle in my house.  I feel like this teaches them to do the things they want to do, while respecting other's rules and regulations.  It also teaches them that there are differing opinions about things in this world and that's ok.  We can like and believe in the things we want, while respecting that others may not agree with us. 

 

You aren't actually teaching your kids about diversity here. You missed a great teachable moment, one about why the school has those rules, about kindness, about the world. You aren't creating more worldly children. You are creating children who think that they way they do it at home is right and the rules at school aren't important enough for their parents to practice them or worse, are so wrong that they call them stupid.

My children are all but ignored when they ask for something without using manners.  They understand that when someone addresses or speaks to them, they are to speak back.

How are you teaching independence when you expect obedience? Yes, using manners is nice, but it isn't everything and it isn't possible 100% of the time for a two year old. I wonder what the consequences are if your child doesn't respond when someone speaks to them. You have created obedient children, but is that really a great end goal? Will those children speak out when they see injustice? Will they dare to be different or innovative? Will they tolerate abuse? Will they say no if someone wants them to do something that they don't want to do?

I know of two gentleman who will be hurt emotionally, but who will be able to work through the hurt and carry on with life.  I will cushion the emotional fall as much as a mom can, but I will not completely prevent it from happening. They will not expect whoever hurt them to be punished.  Heck, I might even teach my children the power of forgiveness.   

I think I understand what she is getting at. But while it would be impossible to prevent all bad things from happening to my daughter and son, if I can, then I will try. They are 4 and 1 year old! Now is not the time to expect them to leave the nest and face the harsh realities of the world.

 

Why shouldn't we expect those who hurt us to be punished? What kind of message is that? That those who harm others should face no repercussions. That is not a wise lesson about consequences. I will not teach my kids to be punching bags or victims. 

 

And forgiveness. Yes, forgiveness is powerful, but also personal. I won't force my kids to forgive unless that is something they decide to do.

 

Ms. Metz is not encouraging independence and free thought in her sons. I sincerely hope that she realizes that the real things that are ruining the world are far more harsh than school rules about toy guns and anti-bullying policies. These rules were created in response to a different world than the one she grew up in. One that her boys will need different skills to navigate.  

 

When my kids need me to help them work through problems, I will be there, because that is how children learn to problem solve and that is my job as their mom. But for now, honestly, I kind of hope my children's lives are still filled with rainbows and unicorns that poop skittles into piles of marshmallows.    

 

Watson, M. W., & Peng, Y. The relation between toy gun play and children's aggressive behavior. Early Education and Development, 3 (4), 370-389.

Letter to Myself, to Everyone

There is a song by Alanis Morissette called That I Would be Good. The narrator sings about her hopes. Her hopes that she will be "good" even if she does nothing, gets sick, gains weight, goes bankrupt, grows old, gets overwhelmed, gets angry, goes insane, loses her love...you get the point. Her song really resonates with me. I am constantly telling other people that they are good, regardless of their perceived faults (gaining or not losing weight, missing a work-out, breastfeeding issues, getting angry and losing it, making mistakes) while at the same time being a total hypocrite and beating myself up over the same things that are presumably not determinants of whether or not I am a "good" person.

Today I told my friend who is in training to be a lactation consultant that I had to stop breastfeeding my son. Without missing a beat she said, "Good work, mama!" I actually cried. And I thought to myself that no one in my life had said those words to me. People have either ignored it, because they disapprove, expressed condolences because they know I am disappointed or ask why I didn't just switch to formula sooner. That I breastfed my kids as long as I could is awesome. That I had to stop does not make that less awesome.

She went on to say - "How come if a mom has glasses, nobody judges her for not using her eyes properly, but if she has a hard time nursing and isn't able to nurse the "optimal" length of time, we all want to tell her how her *behavior* or *mental state* was the problem? Guess what, people, boobs don't necessarily work perfectly any more than any other body part does." 

I had never thought about it that way. But, she is right. And I am so glad that someone like her is going to help women breastfeed!

And breastfeeding and parenthood are only some of the ways I beat myself up. My weight, my hair, my skin, my temper, my bra size, my stretch marks, etc. I spend so much of my life thinking that these arbitrary measures of "good" really matter. They really don't. So here's my letter, to myself and everyone really.

Dear Badass Warrior Goddess,  

Can I just say how much you rock? Because, you do!

You have grown two human beings in that body you frequently hate. You grew humans. That is fucking badass. So cut yourself some slack on losing the "baby weight" and stop hating your new shape. Throw away your scale or break it with a baseball bat. Bask in how amazing you are and how amazing your body is. Teach your children to do the same by example.

And you are raising your kids to be kind. And confident. And to love themselves. And have dance parties in the living room. And bake cookies. And do for themselves. And think for themselves. You have an awesome approach to parenting and your kids are thriving. Fuck yeah.

 

You are strong. Your body can do things that you never imagined and your resolve and inner strength are amazing. You have endured and not just survived, but thrived, when faced with challenges. And, you are constantly looking for the next mountain to climb and do things that terrify you. Whether you know it or not, that is pretty awesome.

 

You are kind. You spend every day building people up, providing support and helping others grow. You always have something nice to say to someone when they are having a hard time, even if you don't like them personally. It's time to start saying nice things to yourself, too. 

You are awesome at your job. And should know that someday your daughter may be inspired by that - inspired to choose a nontraditional path - and she won't feel limited by her gender, but empowered because of the example that you set for her. You are a warrior. You fight for what you believe in and for what's right and work to make positive change at home, at work, in your community and in the world. You are teaching your kids to do the same.

You are funny. Your sense of humor, while dry and sarcastic, doesn't only help you get through the day, but it also does the same for others.

You are a good partner. You have been married for almost nine years and have weathered a lot of storms together. That's awesome. Go you.

Finally, you ARE good and good enough, no matter what. 

You are actually better than good. You are awesome, strong, badass, kind, funny, a great manager, a great cook and the most important person in at least three people's lives. Tell yourself that every day.

Love you,

Self

You say you want a revolution?

Nearly every day someone asks me to explain the so-called "War on Women". Usually in the context of an internet debate and often someone who has the privilege of being a white, male, well-off Christian, but I digress.

Well, first off, there's nothing "so called" about it. I am of the belief that this war has always been around. A cold war, pervasive in our culture, even when most people didn't realize it or acknowledge it and when many of us (women) didn't mind or didn't notice that we and our daughters were casualties. The thing about culture is that unless you willfully ignore what you've always known to be true, it wins. 

To go against the grain takes courage and quite honestly, never occurs to most people until they are in a situation where they have been abused, need help or recognize evil or wrongdoing. And when the majority looks down on you, demonizes you and even threatens to imprison you or harm you and yours for doing so, it takes a uniquely strong person to step outside of the box and say - "Hey, that's not right." And even if you are that person, it takes political clout to do something about it. 

I know the "War on Women" is real because of.... 

1. Anti-Choice Extremism - Between 1995 and 2012, states enacted 755 anti-choice measures. This number doesn't include the many bills passed in 2013 and it also doesn't include those that were introduced, but didn't pass. This number has risen from 18 in 1995 to 42 in 2012. These measures include everything from restrictions on gestational age to mandates that non-essential medical procedures be performed on women against their will to allowing/making physicians present false information to women regarding risks to outright abortion bans and personhood bills.

Cumulative Number of Anti-Choice Measures Enacted Since 1995, NARAL Prochoice America 

WTF? Abortion is a legal medical procedure. Even if you aren't pro-choice, I hope that you consider that our mostly male legislators are passing bills restricting a procedure that only women can undergo, including those that allow and/or force physicians to lie to women. The premise behind these bills is generally that the value of an embryo or fetus is greater than the value of a woman or girl, even if that fetus has no chance of survival and even if that woman or girl will die if she carries the pregnancy to term. Think about that.

And, as if restricting abortion wasn't bad enough, several of these pieces of legislation also have the potential to restrict birth control. Based on junk science and religious rhetoric, birth control is being mislabeled as abortion left and right. Talk about counterproductive. If anti-choice extremists really wanted to end abortion, they would work to improve the status of women and girls in our country and provide evidence-based sex education and access to preventive health care to everyone. Instead, they've demonized women. Shame is a powerful weapon in this war. 

2. Rape Culture - Rape culture is so pervasive in our country that people don't even realize that they are a part of it. From rape jokes, to movies featuring young men seeking to have sex with drunk, passed out girls, to the many cases of rape survivors being required to justify their every decision up to, during and after their rapes to prove they were not, in fact, to blame for their attacks. One out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime (including the woman writing this post), and 90% of rape victims are women and girls (RAINN). Rapes are often not reported and rape victims are joked about, demonized and attacked in the media. Rape is not only common, it's become casual and that's wrong.

3. Pay inequity - At the time of this writing, the wage gap between men and women who work the same jobs is appalling - about 77 to 80 cents on the dollar depending on the measure. It is shocking that 50 years after enactment of the Equal Pay Act, the nation still faces gender wage disparities. Why is this and what can we do about it? Should women just accept this as fact and feel lucky that we are able to work at all?

Employment and median usual weekly earnings of women and women's earnings as percent of men's, by industry, 2009

Industry	Total employed	Median weekly earnings	Women's earnings as percent of men's
Total, 16 years and over	44,712,000	$657	80.2
Agriculture and related industries	162,000	413	84.6
Mining, quarrying, and oil and gas extraction	87,000	873	79.7
Construction	568,000	696	92.2
Manufacturing	3,467,000	618	73.8
Wholesale and retail trade	5,268,000	523	76.0
Transportation and utilities	1,242,000	685	78.6
Information	1,015,000	756	75.8
Financial activities	4,126,000	732	70.5
Professional and business services	4,080,000	744	76.6
Education and health services	17,133,000	717	77.0
Leisure and hospitality	3,027,000	421	83.5
Other services	1,703,000	503	72.2
Public administration	2,834,000	783	78.5

These data are featured in the TED article, Women's earnings and employment by industry, 2009

When I was an undergraduate, I studied the connection between income inequality (the Gini Coefficient) and international conflict (war, tribal conflict and coup d'etat). Not surprisingly, countries with greater income inequality (a larger gap between the rich and the poor) had more conflict, when I controlled for Gross Domestic Product (overall income level), level of democracy, religious freedom, freedom of the press and type of government. I wonder if the time will come when American women realize that they are under attack and stage our own coup?

4. Decision makers (for the most part) are male - I say this hoping that this will improve, and quickly, while we still have some rights left to protect. In 2013, 98 women serve in the US Congress (78 - House, 20 - Senate), which seems like a lot until you consider that this only represents 18.3% of the 535 seats. State and local elected positions feature more women. There are five female governors and 24.2% of all state legislature seats are held by women. This is one area where we have made progress, but as we look at the above statistics regarding anti-choice legislation and pay equity, one should reflect on how the status of women and girls might improve if our representatives in positions of power actually looked like we did. Even more dismal is the fact that only 21 CEOs of the Fortune 500 are women. Again, let's think about that in relation to pay equity, family friendly policies and insurance coverage for maternity leave.


5. Disney Princesses - Now before anyone rips me for equating princesses with rape and abortion laws, please know that even my daughter has gone through a princess phase. Hear me out. Our culture, with princesses as a vehicle for this message, stresses that a girl's main value is how pretty she is (so she can someday attract a prince, of course). Not that there's anything wrong with being pretty or wanting to be pretty, but often, this quality is juxtaposed against other qualities that we value in boys - strength, intelligence, success. In our culture, women can't really be smart, strong and beautiful...or at least the media tells us we can't be. Consider the Bechdel Test: for a film to pass the test, (1) it has to have at least two women in it, who (2) who talk to each other, about (3) something besides a man. So few films actually pass that it is startling. When you start thinking about how many media messages reach our ears, eyes, brains and hearts each day, it's no wonder that many of us grow up with self-doubt, confusion and a desire to reach an unattainable status - as a princess - if you will. The next time you read a book, watch a film or even look at an ad, reflect on what message it might be sending to a young mind. My four year old daughter commented to me the other day that she wasn't beautiful. She is actually quite conventionally beautiful, but her tone and desperation at the thought of not being beautiful was startling to me. It's easier in our or any culture to go with the flow, and in the US, the norm is to want to be a pretty princess, not to be a tough as nails CEO or smart scientist or creative artist.

So what do we do? 

With this war being waged for so long, it feels overwhelming, but here's my take on it: we fight back. Not with weapons, but with words and actions. We get educated, get employed and break the glass ceiling or we raise and support our daughters to do so. We teach our sons about consent. We stand up for our reproductive rights, even if it takes 13 hours of filibustering or 40 days of picketing and call foul when fake science and religious rhetoric are used in place of evidence. We storm the Capital and phone lines and the internet with our presence and make sure that the truth is heard and those in power understand that women are not afraid to fight back.

We create a new normal. 

"I don't want to be a boy"

Those of you who know my family in real life, have probably seen Katelyn's impressive head of hair. Silken curls and waves of gold. She used to have red hair, but now it is more a golden blond. I love her hair. Probably too much. Emotionally invested in it the way I used to be in my own waist length locks.

We have found that the best way to care for her hair is to wash it no more than once per week, use coconut oil in her bath water, spray it with diluted apple cider vinegar to de-tangle and braid it at night or else. The "or else" = massive mats and impossible tangles, which I know hurt to comb out.

Sorry mom, I remember how much it hurt to have my hair brushed as a child. I don't want to hurt her! It literally makes my heart hurt to hear her cry. 

We use a bamboo brush from the Body Shop, as it is the least likely to get caught in her hair. With all of these measures in place, we still have rough mornings. No matter what tools we use, how slow we go or how gentle we are, she cries and screams and won't sit still. I don't blame her. I remember how much this hurts. Sometimes I think that she is adding a bit of dramatic flare, though.

A few months ago we broke down and cut bangs. She was sucking on her hair and it was getting completely tangled and unruly. Think Hermione from Harry Potter. She loved her trip to the salon. We have contemplated getting her hair cut short.

This morning was one of the roughest so far. So, being a huge believer in bodily autonomy, I asked Katelyn: "Would you like to get your hair cut shorter?" Much to my surprise, she started to cry.

She said: "But mommy, I don't want to be a boy. Short hair is for boys."

Where did she learn this? We don't speak about gender a lot at home, unless we are describing anatomy--explaining why Ian has a penis and Katelyn has a vulva or why daddy can't carry a baby in his uterus because he doesn't have one. I have short hair, so does Katelyn's grandma, aunt Amy, etc. and many men we know have long hair, including her Uncle Ken.  We also don't follow many traditional gender roles in our home. My husband was a stay at home dad at one time and holds a position in a primarily female field. In turn, I hold a position in a primarily male field and have been our family's breadwinner.

I responded - "That's not true. Both boys and girls can have long hair or short hair, but we won't cut your hair if you don't want to."

I went on to ask her why she thinks that. She looked so confused. "Because. I can't - I am a girl."

I asked her who told her that and she had no response and again, looked at me like I was a combination of stupid and crazy.

This made my heart hurt. I don't want anyone telling my kid that she can't do something because she is a girl, even if it is only getting her hair cut.

I am sure she heard about this at preschool and this is only the beginning. I know that she will encounter people from all over the world, with all sorts of beliefs about gender roles and what's "proper". I can't control what other people tell her, and I certainly can't stop our culture from reaching her with its terrible messages about what it means to be a girl. I am sure if many of the parents of her classmates knew about the conversations we had in our home or our philosophy regarding gender roles, they wouldn't want their kids to play with mine.

What I can do is reinforce positive messages about being a girl and a woman. Being a girl fucking rocks! (Yes, I said fucking, and I don't care if you don't think it's proper). And being a girl doesn't mean that you have to look, do things or act "like a girl" to rock at being a girl.

I think being a boy, also probably fucking rocks, although I don't have any direct experience in that regard. But that doesn't mean you have to be a walking stereotype to rock at being a boy.

It bothers me when people tell girls - "you can't...get dirty, cut your hair, like bugs, play a sport...because you are a girl." Or "don't be a girl!" when someone is acting scared or doesn't want to do something scary.

It also bothers me when people say - "you can't...paint your nails, wear a skirt, cry, like dolls...because you are a boy". Or "he's just being a boy" when a male child acts violent or destructive or is covered in mud.

My son is wearing a "girl's" shirt

I think gender should not be limiting, considered a "blessing" nor an excuse for bad behavior. And being a girl should not be an insult any more than being a boy should be a way of describing a certain type of child.

No matter what path my son or daughter chooses - short hair, a career in research science, becoming a hockey player...or playing with dolls, taking ballet and becoming a stay at home parent, I will love and support them (I do want them to be able to support themselves financially, too, but that is another blog).

For those critics who say that letting my son wear a dress or paint his nails will result in him being beaten up or bullied, I ask: "Shouldn't I be a part of changing our culture, instead of reinforcing that these things are wrong?" I plan to teach both of my children how to resolve conflict and how to respond to bullies, including when to involve an adult, but I will not tell them not to do something because of their sex or gender.

And if I hear one more person say - "you wouldn't understand, you are not a man, or worse, you are just a girl," I may just kick them in the area that makes them one.

Building a Pallet Garden

So, for a crafty, DIY mom, I can be shockingly anti-Pintrest. I feel like so many projects on Pintrest are not possible by laypeople with kids, jobs, lack of experience, lack of access to specialty equipment...so, I didn't have tremendously high hopes for our weekend pallet garden project. But, as we already had most of the components in our garage - organic top soil, peat moss, fall leaves that didn't get taken to the curb last fall when I was eleventy months pregnant and an old pallet - and I really wanted a herb garden closer to the house, we decided to give it a shot. We just had to buy some landscape fabric and some plants/seeds.

Pallet garden from Pintrest

We decided to do ours "lasagna garden" style, which means that we layered leaves, compost, top soil and peat moss to form the base to grow our plants. We initially were going to plant only herbs, but decided to try some other plants - carrots, greens and beets - to see how they would turn out.

Here are the directions from Pintrest, followed by a pictorial of our project.

From Pintrest: Got Pallets? Hate weeding? Dont feel like turning up a bunch of grass? Use a pallet as a garden bed - staple garden cloth on the backside of the pallet fill with dirt and start growing! You can also place your pallet on the ground in a rocky location rather than a grassy area, this way you will not need the garden cloth to stop the weeds and grass comin through. Please be advised: Use raw wood pallets! Some that are shipped overseas may contain chemicals. 

Hate weeding? Yes! Have Pallets? Yes Don't feel like turning up a bunch of grass? Yes!!

But this sounds too easy. I wonder how hard it will be with no experience and an enthusiastic almost four year old helper?

Supplies:

• Wooden Pallet
  
  

• Landscape Fabric - $9 for a 150 Ft. roll.
• Staple gun - $10 and staples - $3 (we bought a new one - the old fashioned metal kind - as our expensive one is not great at stapling through wood)
  
  
• Planting medium - potting mix or layers for a lasagna garden. We used four bags of organic topsoil ($1.24 for a 40 lb bag), which we already had in the garage, peat moss ($4 for three cubic yards), which we also had left over from our other garden projects, dried leaves (free), compost (free)
• Plants/seeds (we spent $3 on basil plants and dill plants from the farmer's market and then about $3 total on organic seeds with plenty left over for our main garden, boxes or to save for next year).

Directions:

• Lean pallet against your house/garage. Lift with your legs and watch your toes! Pallets are surprisingly heavy! 

• Staple landscape fabric to the bottom and sides of the pallet, pulling it tight and folding under the edges and folding corners like a present.
• Overlap the fabric on the bottom and secure flap with more staples to ensure that it is "sealed" so no dirt escapes.
• Be careful not to staple thumb or fingers.

Look at the beautifully spaced staples and even edges! Type A, anyone?

• The pallet should be open on top and the sides and bottom should be "sealed" with the landscape fabric, like a present with no top, so the soil does not escape.

• Place the pallet where you'd like your garden to stay. This is important, because the pallet is heavy when it is empty and would be impossibly heavy with 100+ lbs of planting medium inside.
  
• We leveled our area first with a hoe.
  
• Don't worry if there's some weeds/grass underneath, as the garden will kill them.

• If you have a helper, you can have them use the planter as a balance beam to ensure that it is level and that they have optimal fun with this project. 

Helper Katy walking on the pallet to test the proper placement

• Fill your pallet with planting medium. We did layers of dead leaves, organic top soil, peat moss, and compost. This is FUN, don't worry if you get soil on the wood, it will wash off.

• Stop and take a video of your adorable daughter throwing peat moss into the pallet.

• Have your helper review your work to ensure that the proper amount of medium is added. Just kidding, there's no wrong way to do this, folks. Be sure to get your hands dirty and have fun.

• Plant bedding plants and sow seeds according to the instructions on the package. Water well.

• Enjoy your accomplishment and pose for a photo shoot.  Let your helper take some photos, too.

Covered in mud

I look like I have a halo in this photo Katy took. Don't worry, it's just a trick of the light.

In total, this project only took about 30 minutes with a preschool-aged helper, including time to act silly, haul the supplies from the garage/car, take photos and clean up. I call this a win!